Thanks              Reply to this Comment

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I really like this web site. I was at NorthWestern Institute in Fort Washington,PA & thanks to all the help I received in the different units I was on I am co-dependent no more, so I am getting out of an unhealthy marriage as soon as I receive housing assistance. Also, I have stayed on my medications & work with my doctors. Today I have 12+ yrs.clean & sober & I have not been hospitalized since I was in Northwestern about 10 yrs ago.

crazy bf              Reply to this Comment

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My boyfriend has this problem and its killing me but i dont wanna break up with him. he is extremely jealous (like crazy seriously) he's jealous of my friends, my music, everything !! he doesnt wants me to go out because people will see me :S if someone in the subway looks at me he gets pissed he wish i could walk with a mask or smth. I cant talk to him cuz eveything makes him mad,he just cant trust me he thinks i hide things from him or that i like someone else etc i even stoped doing normal activities to avoid making him mad, im so tired to fight again and again that i rather do that. i've been going out with him for 1 year, and i know he loves me maybe hes very obssesed with me too i luv him 2 and thats why i want to find a way to make this relationship a bit more normal to me, do someone knows wt can i do ?

Response Crazy B/F              Reply to this Comment

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Basically this man has changed your entire way of life. He has manipulated and controlled everything normal thing you do from hanging out with your friends to getting mad at you for someone looking at you on the subway. And the big question is, "Why are you still with him?" You are so unhappy in this relationship that you have searched on this site for an explanation to his behavior. He has completely changed your life for the worst but you say you don't want to break up with him? I understand what you are feeling. In the beginning of a relationship it is all glamorous but soon you realize who you are dealing with. A person who has this controlling behavior is very dangerous and can lead to violence. I know you may be scared to be alone or you are holding on to who he once was but you need to break free from him. Anyone who changes your whole way of life does not love you and does not respect you as a person. Sure, it is easy to hang on to a relationship no matter how bad it gets because you "think" you love the person. But no one really can be in love with someone who is slowly taking away your freedom and happiness. But hun, one time shame on him, two times shame on you. The longer you stay with him the more he knows he can have you no matter what he does. Because you have stuck around it is almost like giving him the green light to treat you this way because you have not left. He needs to help himself, he needs to be the one finding help on this site, for himself. You need to break free from him and concentrate on your own life and what makes you happy. You can not change him, you can never change anyone. But if you stick around he will continue with this behavior but it can get a lot worse, even abuse. Good luck and believe in yourself enough to let go... you have to do this for you!

sounds like dd              Reply to this Comment

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This guy sounds like he has Delusional Disorder, or DD. This mental disorder is incurable and will only get worse. Do a search on google for 'Delusional Disorder' and you will find psychforum. read it and weep. get out while you still can.

codependency              Reply to this Comment

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Educate yourself on codependency. Your boyfriend has a problem and you have become focused on his needs to the exclusion of your own. It's time to put yourself first and establish healthy boundaries. If your relationship survives the transition from one of control to one of mutual respect it has a chance. Otherwise, it is time to learn how to detach and let go. Friends will be an integral part of your support system. Make sure you keep a few close ones around through all of this.

a bad marriage              Reply to this Comment

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Help! I am in a very unhealthy marriage of 11 years. My husband has so many problems brought in from his childhood. He gambles a lot of money on a dog track and drinks beer all day long when he's not at work. I have an eight and a nine year old boy and girl. They have already seen so much of what they should not see and I am so afraid I have ruined their hope for a healthy life. One of many problems I have is getting out of this relationship. I was once told that I am addicted to this bad relationship. Is this true? I have threatened to leave many times and has never officially left. My desire to get out of this marriage is so deep, that all i do is think about how life would be if I were single. Every time I tell him I want out he begs me to stay, but he continues to keep money secrets away from me. I never know how much his checks are and now I have had to refinance my house to pay for massive bills I've created. My bills have been his scrapegoat for placing blame on me for the marriage being bad. I feel if it weren't for my kids I would have taken my own life.... Please give me some insight as to how I can get the strength to leave. Thanks

I am codependant              Reply to this Comment

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I too need some advice. My wife and I are codependant. We are hanging on to a marriage that keeps going in a vicious cycle of getting along and not getting along. We both love each other, but we have distanced ourselves to much though all of the hurtful things that we say to one another that we rarely have a good day anymore. I finally realized that I have a drinking problem, not because I drink too much, but because of how mean and heartless I can be when I do drink. She, on the other hand...drinks too much in my opinion and she admits that as well. We both love each other and keep telling ourselves that we can't fix the situation but stay together because we love one another. Is there any way that we can break this vicious cycle and start living happy lives again? Can therapy help? I have been going on my own and I have seen a little change, but that all gets thrown out the window when we get into an arguement...we both get ridiculously mean and hurtful when we argue that it sets us back after we make progress. I always felt that I could fix everything on my own, but now I am sure that I cannot.

Codependency              Reply to this Comment

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Hello, Before I type my question here, just want to make sure the site is active. Thanks

codependency              Reply to this Comment

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I have recently discovered that i am codependent and i was in a relationship with someone who was codependent as well. the funny thing is that i was not in the beginning, she certainly was. She changed me over a year and a half to the point i comletely lost myself and started to try and take care of her needs instead of my own. She comes from a severly broken home and I did feel sorry for her. I tried to make sure to let her know how much she was loved by me and my whole life soon was dedicated to trying to make her happy. well she soon figured out how much i did care for her and ran with it. Once she got away with treating me like crap and learned that i would forgive her no matter what was the death of me and our relationship. She is aware of her own issues and how hurtful she is or was to me, but I never got an appology from her for anything. Now she left me completely because she knows that she cant give me what i need emotionaly from her and she knows how hurtful she is to me. The sad thing is that while she is aware of her problem she refuses to REALLY do anything about it. Her answer is to just avoid me, but call when she is down and needs a pick me up. And so I do.

Codependent People              Reply to this Comment

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I unfortunately had the displeasure of watching two extremely codependent people interacting for five years, the man was a friend from high school, his wife was a woman he had met after high school. For whatever reason, whenever I went over to visit my friend, his wife would immediately and consistently become angry and emotionally aggravated toward her husband for the entire time I was present there, for over five years! I always knew that the wife had significant personal problems, and had moved out of her parent's home when she was only fourteen years of age. It is my prediction that when my friend would act in manners that went against the grain of his wife's codependency, she would withhold sex from him until he simply gave in to her demands, upon which the satisfaction of the male orgasm became a validation and strong reinforcer to continue to obey his wife's codependent demands. Problem is, this is how my friend was for over five years, and this is likely how things will remain to be for them unless his wife (and perhaps even himself) seek psychological counseling to remedy their problems. But hey, I never judged, just quietly watched and always knew what their inherent problems were from the start. Problem is, for an outside individual, it is very inappropriate to comment about the persons in the dysfunctional codependency, because it will only serve to reinforce the codependent woman's stance that my friend should not be able to have any friends because she does not have any friends. A sad, pitiful cycle of codependency. It seems that many, many weaker minded people out there would rather be with any person, any body, rather than being alone and dealing with their own lives without a codependency upon another person. That's how it likely goes for many folks, they would rather live in a state of denial about their codependency rather than address and correct it. For some, sex is more important than love, I suppose.

My codependent niece              Reply to this Comment

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My 16 year old niece is now living with us, after we took her from an abusive home. Her mother is extremely co-dependent and is living with a suicidally depressed, alcoholic boyfriend. I am concerned because my niece gravitates to other troubled teens and families -- she feels most comfortable with friends whose parents are alcoholics, etc. She's smart but apparently doesn't see this, or is powerless to choose otherwise. Does anyone have any advice about things I can do or say to her (or shouldn't do or say) in addition to getting her therapy?