What happens when the drug use stops? We already know that many marriages and partnerships do not survive addiction, so now we can look at recovery.

One question to ask, is the damage of using so great for some that, in their view they are beyond repair? Is recovery itself so full of unexpected change that many families give up? Determining that abstinence has not solved the family’s problems after all, is there no hope for the family to unite? We try to see who will stay together, why and how do they do it? These are some things to think about in treating families of addiction.
    As you’ll hear from families and couples in recovery, abstinence is as hard or even harder that using because it reveals so many problems that were obscured by the families’ focus on drugs and alcohol. Denial looms as large as ever as the family faces the harsh realities of delusion and illusion that dominated during the drinking and using years.
    These issues are now laid bare by abstinence. In so many families, the entire family system became disorganized by addiction. Now absent, what is left to organize in the family system? This makes recovery in the first couple of years extremely difficult. There is no map to chart the way and no other couples with whom to share their experiences. We see many families that do not make it.
    There are other families and people who do make it and they have found a way out of despair, loneliness, and self-pity. These people can be located at 12-step meetings and many other areas of the community. If you wait and don’t give up five minutes before the miracle, it does happen. Some families don’t even know it yet, but there is hope and they can find it. A critical aspect is that they find support from families that have been through the early recovery process.
    The inner sense of stability and trust that comes with ongoing recovery helps to hold the family together in difficult times. For most families, on going recovery offers the healthiest practice in the family system. The parents, now stronger individually, develop adherence to values of honesty, open mindedness, and integrity. With this new life style, the couple can offer their children a second chance.
    If someone you know needs help with addiction issues let them know that there is hope. There are many thousands of families that have found recovery. These people have a message of hope and understanding, because they have been through the ringer them- selves. They know what it is like and openly relate their experiences to others. This is called the language of the heart; one addict sharing with another is the way to find recovery.
    The therapeutic value of addicts sharing with one another is the corner stone of recovery. You don’t have to do recovery alone; there are support groups such as Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous around the world. If you think you have problem with drugs or alcohol, call someone and get help today, because there may be no tomorrow.




Reference:

Brown Stephanie, Lewis Virginia. The Alcoholic Family in Recovery; a Development Model. The Guilford Press New York, London.1999. http://www.guilford.com
 
Primary Purpose 12 Step Meeting House. 223 north 100 west Cedar City Utah 84720 www.cedarprimarypurpose.org

Alcoholics Anonymous. Narcotics Anonymous literature.